Freeze Your Brain
by OfRedLipsAndRosyCheeks
Summary: After a mind-numbing pain from a Slurpee at a local 7-Eleven, Hank conjures a wild theory: can androids get a brain freeze?


**_A/N: Hello, my lovelies! It's your girl here with a D:BH fanfic (finally). A few weeks ago, I was trying to come up with an idea for a new piece, and I had nothing. But then, a certain song made its way into my mind, and I was thinking, "Can androids get a brain freeze?" I'm not entirely sure, but I figured since androids can have sensors, why not? I just feel like Connor having his first brain freeze would be a fun writing challenge. Now sit back, grab yourself a frozen slushed beverage, and just freeze your brain. Y'know? Suck on that straw, just get lost in the pain. Shut your eyes tight, as you vanish from sight- *gets hit with a brick*_**

 ** _Also, please keep in mind that this was my very first work for the fandom. You can also find it on my Tumblr page in the link below:_**

* * *

"Hank, I don't believe this is the usual route you take when leaving the precinct to return to home…"

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. I just need to stop by somewhere."

"This route would seem to lead to Jimmy's Bar. I would strongly advise you to not stop there."

"Nah, I'm not stopping there. Not that you'd let me, anyway. "

A dark grey-coated vehicle roamed about the streets of Detroit, appearing to stick out above the typically futuristic 2020s-2030s automobiles with its vintage build. A faint sound of rock music can be heard from just outside of the car, the music itself also serving to be out of place in 2038. Inside said vehicle sat two men side-by-side, one indisputably middle-aged, given his graying hair, and the other an android. The fluorescent blue LED spun around in time to AC/DC's "Highway To Hell" at the right side of his head, whereas Hank's hands lightly drummed the steering wheel to the rhythm as they journeyed through the city.

Connor cast his glance to his right and stared out at the world passing them by, simply tuning out the world around him within his own thoughts. The android then caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the window, deep chocolatey orbs staring back into his own. How he had become so enthralled with looking at himself, he had no clue. Curiosity? It seemed to be a possibility. He blinked, which the reflective illusion copied in time with him, his LED flashing a curious yellow.

"Connor! Earth to Connor, do you read?"

Hank's voice quickly withdrew the ex-deviant hunter from his thoughts with a startle, the yellow LED rapidly flashing for a few brief seconds before resuming its commonplace blue. Connor's artificial eyelids fluttered briskly before he finally recovered from his momentary shock, and turned toward the older man, who barked out a laugh at his reaction.

"I fail to see how startling me like that is humorous, Hank," Connor chided lightly with a hint of annoyance, the small smile tugging at his lips contradicting his own dismay.

"Well, I wouldn't've had to if you weren't busy lookin' at yourself for ten God damned minutes," Hank chuckled in genuine amusement before reaching out to lightly squeeze at the other's side a few times, his grin amplifying at the squeaks emitting as the android tried to curl himself up in the passenger seat. "I thought you were going into that weird sleep mode or somethin'."

"I wahahasn't!" The prototype argued playfully while gingerly batting at the hand clamped onto his torso with his own, the hand pulling away seconds later to discard the key from the ignition. "I was simply… staring out the window," He admitted, which only withdrew an unconvinced 'Mm-hm' from the other man. "and I seemed to have lost track of time. Is this what humans refer to as… staring off into space?"

Hank looked over at the android and gave off a smile. Somehow, it was hard for him to believe that the kid was simply a machine built to accomplish his mission and nothing more when they had first met weeks ago. Now, they were living together, and Connor seemed more human every passing day, even while he was struggling with it often.

"Yeah, that's what it is…" He replied before stepping out into the harsh winter atmosphere.

Connor then turned his attention to his surroundings, blue LED morphing to yellow as he began to process their current location. A small parking lot, littered with minimum to no cars, almost vacant. An illuminated sign high in the air with the assistance of a lone metallic pole, the aforementioned surface donning a seemingly nolgastic '7-Eleven' within the center. A small building in front of him withheld the same logo horizontally stretched across the top, along with stripes decorated in red, orange, and green.

"Connor! Unless you're plannin' on staying in there all night, get your plastic ass outta the car!"

This made the RK800 put a halt to his examination and proceeded to exit the vehicle, his LED retreating back to blue as he approached the man whom he viewed to be a fatherly figure at the entry doors.

"I thought you did not want me to follow you like a puppy," Connor stated innocently, his lips curling up in a tiny smirk like the smart aleck he tended to be at times.

"I didn't fuckin' tell you to stay in the God damned car, smartass!" Hank scoffed, furrowing his eyebrows at the sudden know-it-allness being displayed by the deviant. "Now, c'mon. I'm freezing my balls out here."

"Judging by the current temperature, which is 28.4 degrees Fahrenheit, -2 degrees Celcius, I doubt you'll, quote, 'freeze your balls off'." The android pushed further, the wry smirk never leaving his face.

Hank sighed and ran a hand over his own face before clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Connor?"

"Yes, Hank?"

"Shut the fuck up," Hank gave him a playful shove towards the automatic door and followed suit, snickering as he watched him stumble into the 7-Eleven.

Connor quickly regained his balance and explored his gaze around the infamous convenience store. To his right, numerous shelves arranged next to each other, filled with heaps of bagged chips, candy, and other various snacks. Refrigerated containers packed with nearly every beverage possible stood against the walls to the far right. What caught his eye, however, was the spectacle considered to be the main attraction to every 7-Eleven, the ever-beloved Slurpee vendor. Plastic cups in various sizes stacked to the side, circular windows allowed eye-access to the colored frozen beverages being continuously stirred, and the assortment of flavors displayed side by side; Wild Cherry, Blue Raspberry, Coke, and Pina Colada. He slowly approached the altar, his newfound curiosity piqued and a spark of interest in his eyes.

"Hadn't had one of these in a while…" Hank passed him by and made his way to the beverage machine with an extra-large cup in his hand. He then held it underneath one of the four nozzles and filled the cup to the brim with Coke-flavored slushy goodness.

Connor blinked, his LED flashing yellow and rotating as he began to scan the contents of the frozen beverage.

 **[Processing…]**

 **[Coke Slurpee - 1 Extra Large (40 Oz)**

 **Calories: 349**

 **Sodium: 48mg**

 **Potassium: 1.8mg**

 **Total Carbohydrates: 90g**

 **Sugars: 90g**

 **Calcium: 4% of Daily Value]**

(A/N: I wanted to include the nutritional facts, and have Connor scan Hank's Slurpee like **he does to his lunch in the game. Thank you, Google.)**

Hank looked up from his slushified soda and to the android's whirring LED. "Aw, Jesus. I know that look, Connor, so you better not start spewing bullshit about cholesterol, and sodium, and all that crap."

"Actually, the nutritional facts of your beverage are significantly lower than your typical order at Chicken Feed. However," Cue an annoyed groan from the older man. "there are 349 calories contained in it. In order to effectively burn said calories, it is recommended that you either walk at three miles per hour for 94 minutes, take a run at six miles per hour for 34 minutes, or-"

"Hell no! You're already killing me with this health food shit, and I sure as hell ain't fuckin' running! 'Sides, nothing wrong with havin' something like this in moderation. Unless you'd rather I get something with alcohol in it," He ended on a teasing note, smirking when the android kept his mouth shut. "That's what I thought." He then raised his cup and proceeded to guzzle.

Seconds had gone by, and Connor continued to watch the human swallowing plentiful amounts of the drink at a seemingly alarming rate, arousing a tinge of concern within the pit of his stomach.

"Hank, I don't think you should-" He was interrupted when a hand was raised, signaling him to shut up. Another five seconds went by, and at least 3 ounces was gone, stopping afterward.

Hank smirked to himself contentedly before he felt the coldness of the drink seep its way into his head, creating a throbbing within his skull so painful that it caused him to cry out in pain while clutching his temples. "Aahhh, sonuvabitch!"

Connor's LED flashed a worried yellow, and his eyes widened slightly as he watched him bare with the pain, unsure of what to do. "Hank! A-Are you alright?"

"Aaahhh, whoo…!" He groaned through clenched teeth, the pain fading away three seconds later. "…That was a hell of a brain freeze. Holy shit."

"…Brain freeze?" The android asked curiously with a tilt of his head, LED reverting back to blue.

"Yeah, brain freeze. You've got a dictionary in that head of yours, don't 'cha?"

 **[Brain freeze (Informal NOUN): Also called an ice-cream headache. A pain in the temples and forehead brought on by quickly consuming very cold food or drink.]**

"My recent search tells me that a brain freeze is a pain located in the temples and forehead, brought on by quickly consuming very cold food or drink. A short-term ice cream headache, if you will."

Hank nodded and hummed approvingly as he turned to face the machine, watching the liquids rotate inside the glasses. "Yep. Got that one right. Hey, Connor… do you think androids get brain freeze?"

That question stirred Connor with bewilderment, raising an eyebrow and blinking a few times before he finally drew out an answer. "I don't think that is possible, Hank. Considering that we do not need to eat or drink, I doubt androids are equipped with sensors in the mouth."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes, I believe I just said that."

"Hmm," Hank murmured before he swiveled back to facing the android with a partially smaller cup than his own with one thing on his mind: proving whether his theory was right or wrong. "You really believe that?" He received a nod. "Well, if you're so sure of yourself…" He raised the large-sized cup up and out to the other.

"…Try it."

Connor gazed at the offering held before him with a combination of perplexity, inquisitivity, and uncertainty, his LED flashing a steady blue-yellow-blue-yellow before casting his glance back to the older man. "Hank, I do not need to-"

"Alright, enough with the 'I don't need to eat or drink' bullshit! You may not need to, but that doesn't mean that you can't. Now, quit stalling, and just drink it! Put something else in your damn mouth for once!" He barked, shaking the cup in his direction, placing it into his hands when he didn't take it.

 **[Processing…]**

 **[Wild Cherry Slurpee - 1 Large (22 Oz)**

 **Calories: 185-]**

"And stop fuckin' scanning it, will ya?"

The android scrutinized the beverage with the same curiosity, as well as cautiousness and oscillation, as he had upon being given this cherry red substance encased in plastic. Slowly, the android lifted the cup with a hint of hesitance and shyly opened his mouth, lips enclosing around the plastic straw. First, he took a small drop of the frosty drink through the straw and was greeted with a sweet, tangy welcome. His eyes instantly lit up like a Christmas tree, and he was slightly taken back, yet astonished to discover this new, foreign experience in which humans come to know as taste. After savoring the lone drop, he then proceeded to suck down plentiful amounts of his drink, guzzling down over three ounces within six seconds before withdrawing the straw from his mouth, peering up at the older man with a dumbfounded look.

Connor blinked as the lieutenant stared back at him expectantly, mentally counting down. "…I do not see- Aahhh!" The sudden sensations of the coldness shooting into his CPU captured him by surprise, the chilly achiness ringing within his artificial skull causing him to cry out and clutch at his pulsing temples. He clenched his teeth and shut his eyes tightly as the pain echoed within his head, only for it to fade away seconds later.

Hank was unable to stifle a chuckle from rumbling within his throat, smirking in spite of himself. "Jesus, I don't believe it! An android caught a brain freeze! How'd that feel, huh? Could ya taste it?"

The android unclenched his jaw and kept a hand at his forehead, searching within his database for the words he could find to best describe the recent episode. "It… It felt like the walls surrounding my CPU were ringing, a-and it was so… cold. It was… mildly unpleasant… And to answer the follow-up question, it tasted sweet and tangy. I think I liked it."

"Wild Cherry, eh?" The breathed out another chuckle, morphing into a sigh as he looked down into his own concoction. "That was Cole's favorite, too…"

Connor re-opened his eyes to offer a sympathetic stare with his sad doe-like sparkle in optics, guilt instantly brewing within his systems. "I… I apologize if I upset you. I-I didn't mean to-"

A dry chuckle resounded in response. "Nah, don't worry about it. Ya didn't bring up anything bad. You actually brought up some good memories."

"Really?" He asked, blinking with the same innocent facial fixture.

"Yeah," The older man replied gruffly, a small smile at his lips as he stared off into space. "Sometimes, I pick him up from school, and we come down here for a couple of Slurpees for the road. Most of the time, we have brain freeze contests. We'd chug 'em down as long as we could before we gave in to the pain, and whoever stopped first lost the game."

Connor tilted his head to the side, awestruck at the gist of this so-called game. "I do not understand. Why would someone willingly subject themselves to what is believed to be a game, only to undergo something as excruciating as a brain freeze?"

Hank looked over to the android with an incredulous look, shaking his head in disbelief. "Jesus, you're killin' me, Connor! Because it's fun! Sometimes, ya gotta stop all that thinkin' and just… I dunno… freeze your damn brain! Just suck on that straw, and get lost in the pain!"

 **(A/N: Oh, good God, here we go with the "Heathers" references again!)**

"You mean… what I have experienced tonight?"

A gruff sigh was released from the other. However, an idea was quickly formed to not only show him what he meant, but to bond with him as well. "You know what? Raise your cup, Connor. We're havin' a brain freeze contest! Right here, right now!"

"I don't think this is a good idea…" The android admitted with uncertainty, squinting at such a suggestion.

"Aw, c'mon, it only hurts for a few seconds! Or…" The lieutenant drawled out with an instigating smirk, his tone lowering at the following assumption:

"…Are you afraid of losin' to your old man?"

Provoked by the good-natured jeer, Connor regarded the other a confident stare with a challenging grin of his own, blue LED softly whirring as it spun. "Do I detect a challenge, Lieutenant?"

A dark chuckle rose from the older man's chest, resonating through the small convenience store. "Let's deal. Loser buys another round of Slurpees for two."

"Need I remind you, Hank, that as an android, I am capable of outlasting humans. I think the same can be said for participating in human traditions such as this."

"Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on, android!"

With that proclamation, the contest officially commenced, both men hoisted their frozen refreshments simultaneously and began to chug. The contents of their cups seemed to be decreasing fairly quickly as they progressed through, ounce, after ounce vanishing. The two would steal a glance or two at each other, as if watching for the other's will to endure the ritual crumble, or just to shoot a smug glint in the other's direction. Seconds have gone by, and while the coldness reached their soft palates, neither had backed down yet. Time grew slow, coldness gradually traversed to their skulls, ringing, stabbing…

Connor had only managed to last for 10 seconds before he finally retreated, due to the throbbing pain within his temples. "Gyaaahhh!"

Hank ceased three seconds after the defeated participant and lifted his cup in the air. "Y-Yeah, suck on tha- Owww! Jesus fuckin' Christ!" He quickly lowered his raised arm and held his own temples with his free hand, attempting to cope with the sensations by breathing through clenched teeth. "Fuckin' hell…"

Another few seconds of agonizing mental pain, both the human and the android had finally managed to compose themselves, the coldness subsiding from their heads.

Connor couldn't contain the smile gracing his facial features, feeling genuinely happy, despite the pain they've recently endured. "Congratulations on your victory, Hank. As proposed in your bet, I suppose I'll be purchasing another two Slurpees for us." Hank shook his head and waved his hand dismissively, smiling back at the boy all the while.

"Nah, don't worry about it. I'll buy 'em."

"But, Hank, we've agreed-"

'Just shut up let me buy 'em, goddamnit." With that, Hank grabbed another two cups and filled them with their favorite flavors, Coke and Wild Cherry, respectively, before placing a pile of dollar bills atop the sleek register. He turned to the android, and handed him his second Wild Cherry Slurpee, only to receive a smile as lightheartedly motioning to the automatic doors with his head. "Well? C'mon already! Sumo's waitin' for us!"

"Well, I certainly wouldn't want to keep him waiting," Connor mused lightly, strolling past the other and to the doors, Hank following him shortly afterward.

 **Fifteen minutes later…**

"So, what'd you think of your first brain freeze contest, Connor?"

Connor glanced over to his right from his position on the couch, and fixed his gaze upon the middle-aged man he viewed to be his fatherly figure, petting the large Saint Bernard draped over his lap as they've watched re-runs of 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'. "Despite enduring the throbbing pain, it was rather enjoyable, to say the least."

Hank threw a smile at his android of a son and chuckled warmly before he directed his attention back to his living room television, taking another swig of his Coke-flavored Slurpee.

Cole woulda fuckin' loved him…


End file.
